One Q Survey

12.17.17

I have a one-question survey that I hope you’ll answer, if you’ve a mind. Just curious.

Let’s say you have a beloved client who kindly sends you an entire box of baked goods in celebration of the season.

Let’s further posit that you have a wicked sweet tooth which has contributed to the size of your posterior, not to mention led you down a path that leads eventually to Diabetes Station, Cholesterol Heights, and Joint Replacement Junction (although you’re not there yet).

You can, being a rational person, think to yourself, “Oh, excellent – now I’ll have something tasty to serve my friends the next time we gather for Scrabble,” but let’s be real: That only lasts until you open the box and check out the wealth of deliciousness inside (including brownies, blondies, vanilla cookies, chocolate cookies, and shortbread appealingly in the shape of Christmas trees; I mean, this is the finest baked goods box in recorded history).

We know, because we listen to expert nutritionist Chip at Body Dynamics in Falls Church, VA, that the reason I’ve been low on zinc in the past is because I have consumed so much sugar that the zinc is spending all its tiny zinky energy on processing the sugar instead of doing what it was supposed to do, which is power every single cell in the body like Thor charging up his hammer with lightning. So when I eat zinc-rich pumpkin seeds with my breakfast every morning, I then spend the rest of the day looking at sugar and thinking “Hell, no – I need that zinc for other things.”

Well, that’s what I TRY to think.

But when ripping open bags of baked goods becomes inevitable, I face a dilemma.

Do I (A) parse out the treats over the next couple of weeks? Do I eat a single treat and savor it, washing it down with many quarts of water to help my body move it along as quickly as possible?

Or do I (B) pig out and eat the whole box in one revolting bliss-fit of excess, overwhelming my body but getting past all the temptation in a day or so instead of stretching out the draining of all my zinc over two long, deprived weeks?

Yes, this is a leading question. You can see which way I decided to go, despite knowing what Chip would tell me to do (which is Option C: eat one thing, enjoy it to the fullest, throw the rest out immediately).

In fact, I find that I can’t quite pig out; I’m out of training on the pig-out and ate two brownies for breakfast (instead of pumpkin seeds because – at this point, why bother??), and then I felt sort of gross and sick. But that feeling will pass, and there’s much more to snack on waiting in the cupboard where the dog can’t get at them.

I had a friend once who told me she could keep a container of ice cream in the freezer and just go for a spoonful every few days; that was enough for her. I say she would NEVER write or read a blog called “Fat Lady in Fitness Land” – that the people of my tribe (and I feel your love, my sisteren and brethren) can keep a container of ice cream in the freezer long enough to get a spoon and a comfortable chair and then the ice cream is gone.

So be honest: Do you eat the box of treats all at once? Do you parse it out with iron discipline? Do you trash it? Do you invite friends over immediately and make them consume your temptation? Do you somehow hold off until the college student gets home and then watch him inhale it all while you attempt to live vicariously through a teenager’s caloric intake? How do you handle this very typical holiday dilemma??

Postscript to Victoria: THANK YOU for this box of treats – this is the kind of dilemma I LOVE to have. Demon!