That’s not a one-note “I forgot the milk” duh. It’s a multi-note “duh” of contempt – what a fourteen year old girl says to her mother when her mother says “everyone seems to like to text these days.” It’s a “duh” that has a dip in it, like “duh-UH-uh,” which as anyone knows is internationally interpreted as “are you a complete moron?”

I figured out why I’ve been having such a brutal time with sugar of late – and why I’ve lost just about every battle:

I’m not eating enough food.


I keep getting caught up in whatever it is I’m doing and I skip lunch. Or I get too busy and then too tired to plot a strategy for a good, healthy dinner. My body – my clever, highly-adept body which is perpetually poised for the next disaster – screams out FAMINE!! Get fast energy NOW! I can store fast energy! WHERE IS THE SUGAR??

And as much as I admire sisu, that grim determination is simply no match for hundreds of thousands of years of DNA-level instinct. STORE ENERGY NOW.

The answer is – eat more. More protein. More fat. Fewer grains. No dairy. Wrest control back! I’m going to the grocery store.

Observations on sugars:

  1. Honey in tea is simply a non-starter. Those without a sugar jones can put a teaspoon of honey – or even a bold, living-la-vida-loca tablespoon – into a large mug of tea and it will be enough. I cleared the honey bear’s head entirely and my tea STILL wasn’t sweet enough. I’m just going to give up tea forever. It’s going to be a long, cold winter.
  2. Maple syrup is dreamy in plain full-fat Greek yogurt. Bliss. Doesn’t take much. That really is just a drizzle… while honey? I’m left thinking, “yeah – where’s the honey?”
  3. Most sweet desserts are what my friend Laura Yager rightly calls “a high-caloric waste.” They look better than they are. You eat them because – there they are. But for the most part, if we were going by flavor and not DNA-instinct and habit, meh. My personal exceptions: A one-scoop sundae at Arties (don’t get the coffee ice cream), and the chocolate cheesecake at Tempo. Those are every bit as spiritually satisfying as they look.

Time to make my shopping list… and drink some water!

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5 thoughts on “Duh

  1. How timely . I just polished off the last of the pb & chocolate ice cream from the waaaay bottom of the freezer. Why? Because I got caught up with the not-freezing temp early this morning and did a bunch of leftover pre-winter chores outside … and forgot to eat. Then the temp dropped from 45 to 32 in 30-freakin’-minutes and I came inside .. h.u.n.g.r.y.. What’s a girl to do but forage for hidden batches of sugar in the depths of the freezer?


    1. OMIGAWD – absolutely right! (And pb and chocolate from WHO?? I find the Baskin Robbins variety to be the ne plus ultra… but perhaps this is the wrong forum to discuss who makes the best ice cream?? Dang. I’m hoisting myself by my own petard!) (But really – who made your ice cream??)


      1. LOL .. it was the store brand … but it was “churned” … and while the chocolate was not the creamiest, the pb was generously swirled throughout 🙂 And, damn, but it was perfect for the time and the mood.


  2. P.S. I’m trying to figure out what time zone we are writing in … my home clocks say it’s 3:30 pm but the Comments are saying I’m posting 5 hours hence. I LOVE IT! My time/space continuum has always been totally screwed up anyway, so this just adds my skewed life. Thank you 🙂


  3. How powerful to have the lightbulb go on, though. It just happened for me too, and made a huge difference. But now that PB and chocolate ice cream is on my brain, I may turn into a blonde for the evening. So much for wisdom!


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