I don’t want to get political (well, I do, but I won’t), but there’s no doubt we live in a male-dominated society. And I have a theory about the seemingly incidental reason for that.

Bear with me; this is my own personal thinking and not at all backed up by the experts at Body Dynamics.

Lookit: I’ve recently learned that women tend to draw power from what is known as the ‘anterior chain.’ That is, we use our backs and our quads. That’s the go-to – and it’s appropriate as sometimes we are in the process of creating other humans inside our core. A minor task, to be sure – only the one thing that allowed the species to survive. Don’t mind me; I’m just being a goddess.

Men, on the other hand, get power from the posterior chain. They use their glutes and their hamstrings, and their un-stretched, still-virginal abdominal muscles. And those are WAY bigger muscles.

So they move better (and not only because they’re generally speaking unencumbered by carrying newly-developed members of the species outside much less inside their bodies). They don’t have the mineral and vitamin drain that occurs when you breed a replacement. At least evolutionarily-speaking, they sleep through the night without having to tend to the replacements.

It’s true, men have more dense bones and heavier muscles; they are by nature stronger in the upper body. But they ALSO use powerful muscles instinctively that many women just aren’t very aware of.

Me, for example. It’s taken me TWO YEARS to discover the trio of glute muscles under all that padding in the buttal zone. (To be sure, I’m really only on speaking acquaintance with two of the three; glute min and I are still only nodding in passing while I can text glute mede like a new friend, and I’d call glute max if I was trapped at the airport in need of a ride.) And now that I have discovered the glutes, I sometimes wander through my empty house with my hands on my tail like a nut, feeling muscles move where there was once only silence.

(I’ve come to discover the difference between being fat and being flabby; the difference is muscle below the insulation. I’m still fat, but I’m not very flabby any more.)

(The things you learn when you walk around with your hand on your own ass.)

(Don’t try it with someone else’s ass, though; unwise at any time and downright deadly in this politically awakening time.)

(This makes five parenthetical thoughts in five paragraphs; this might be a new record. Ah, a challenge!)

So the female caveman (cavewoman?) can breed replacements. You’d think she’d be honored and revered… but she’s too tired to make everyone else bow down to her. And the male cavewoman (caveman?) is sprightly and fresh as a prehistoric daisy. He walks with his glutes so he goes fast and doesn’t get tired; let HIM lead the tribe and decide where to go. I’m busy with this squirmy little thing.

And that’s it. (In my opinion.) The difference between a matriarchal society and a patriarchal society is the anterior versus the posterior chain. (Well, fatigue caused by breeding – but also the instinctive use of butt and hams.)

It’s not second nature for women to use their glutes or hams. But if we do learn how… do we take over the planet?

And can that happen on November 6, please?

Screen Shot 2018-10-14 at 4.07.23 PM

This is the image of a cavewoman using her posterior chain on a T. rex. There are so many things wrong with this image that I knew I had to steal and use it. Why do you assume prehistoric woman did not have access to ample quantities of conditioner, the skills of a fiendish tailor, the unseen presence of plastic surgeons willing to violate the norms of the species, and dinosaurs that had been extinct for some 65 million years before humans first began using their glutes and hams? Now who feels silly??

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